A-buzz about flies...

Just got back to Australia from my trip back to US. As I was standing at the luggage belt waiting I was bothered by a goddam fly continuously landing on me.

And ya know, it's a complete mystery to me why there are so many flies in Australia.

I can hear you thinking "What's so bad about a few flies?" Well, in Australia they are of the variety that the moment you step outside squadrons converge on you and head straight for your face. I'm talking of a quantity not seen since the 4th plague of Moses. They neither bite nor sting, just proceed to crawl all over your face and into your mouth, nose, and ears until you find yourself slapping visciously at your face like Curly of the The Three Stooges.

It's sorta fun watching TV folks like news reporters as they are trying to report a story. You'll see flies start to land on their face as they're talking; running and leaving little fly footprints on their perfect make-up, beads of sweat starting on the reporter's forehead as they resist the urge to swat at the little buggers (pardon the pun).

No Australian yet has been able to give me a satisfactory explanation as to why there are so many flies here, nor why they unerringly find you the moment you step out of any fly-free environment. Asking your average Australian gets you a puzzled frown as they start to dispute the question. Then they ruefully laugh, "Ya got me, mate. I have no idea," as they proceed to fan away the nearest flies - an action so common it's been called the Australian salute.

The creepiest though are the sheep farmers who, when I've seen them on television, appear to be completely unbothered by the flies on them as they seem to act as living strips of fly paper.

Brrrr. Makes my blood run cold.

- Farmer Ted