Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Call me Bwana...

An animal hunt is going on in this region of South Australia for a potential killer. It breeds prolifically and being opportunistic consumes both living AND dead matter, destroying many native species. And it is poisonous, secreting a toxin which can kill if ingested. And over the past week in a nearby set of lakes, vigilantes have been going out at night armed with torches and clubs to round up and destroy the beasties.

I'm talking, of course, about the cane toad.

There is even a cane toad sighting website they are so reviled.

Now before you scoff at the safari-like antics of the locals, doing some reading reveals their alarm does have good reason. But it is a funny thought of what our intrepid hunters must look like.

- Farmer Ted

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Shoot that poison arrow...

While talking about today with some co-workers, someone asked the question "Say, what was everyone doing LAST Valentines Day?" This was met by a puzzled silence as not a single person in the entire group could remember.

If it means that much, makes you wonder why we do it - eh?

Happy Valentines Day!

- Farmer Ted

Thursday, February 07, 2008

International House of Horrors: Another one bites the dust...

Anatole France said:

"If fifty million people say a foolish thing,
it is still a foolish thing."


And if a man spends fifty million dollars foolishly, it's just plain gone.

Have a good trip home, Mr. Romney.

- Farmer Ted

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

This ad space for sale...

...for a cool USD 2.7M, that is! Yes, that's what a 30-second spot purportedly went for during this year's Superbowl. Being here the sports coverage doesn't include the commercials rather we're treaty to pithy and highly inaccurate Australian commentary on "gridiron", as they call it.

Luckily the internet and especially YouTube has come to the rescue and posted most, if not all the ads. The most useful being MSNBC which developed a sort of grid allowing you to see all the ads and then come up with the ad you liked the most.

My favorite? "Fedex, 'Pigeons'" that had me practically wetting myself with laughter no matter how many times I see it. Followed closely by "'Tide, 'Talking Stain'" that must've caught the imagination of the nation as it's been parodied a multitude of times on YouTube.

Must say I was pretty disappointed in my fellow Americans who took the MSNBC ratings challenge. Last I looked, the favorite by almost 2-to-1 is the rather lame "Budweiser, 'Rocky'". Sappy sentimentalism always wins over creativity, I guess.

My biggest treat, though, was seeing a US-based co-worker in the ad "Coke, 'Politics'".

Good work, Chevs!

- Farmer Ted

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Turn out the money changers...

Sitting over here on the porch I'm experiencing the current economic mess in the US as a double victim: Recession in the US exacerbated by the sub-prime meltdown, and inflation in Australia from a too hot economy.

But I have to say, my annoyance at the sub-prime meltdown has no bounds. Why? Because I think it can be summed up in one word: greed. Greed by mortgage banks to issue loans to people whose credit did not support them or worse used predatory lending practices; greed by the borrowers who counted on the housing and real-estate bubble to continue unabated; and greed by the commercial banks who sold creative investments heavily based on these dubious loans.

And my annoyance continues at Alan Greenspan, who only now that he is ex-Fed Chairman is a claxon of doom about it and yet was eerily quiet about it when holding the office.

Now the banks are all crying about how much money they're losing and how they need bailing out. But if you think about it, the money didn't really exist anyway but was all on paper: write-downs of future profit based on these loans. It's not that the banks won't be making record profits, but rather it will be less.

It seems to me what's really hurting the banks right now is that they are all now too wary to lend money to each other anymore, I guess afraid the borrowing bank will just use the money to pay off bad debt.

If only they had all used this much caution in the first place.

- Farmer Ted

Monday, February 04, 2008

And his band of dark Merry Men...

Television has finally gotten it right. One of my favorite BBC America shows from the US has started its second season simultaneously in Australia. What I'm talking about is Robin Hood. And how good it was to see Robin, Sir Guy, and the Sheriff back again in Episode 1 of Season 2 this past weekend. An episode which promises that the season will be darker and even more bizarre than the first.

To which anyone who saw the scene with Sir Guy and Allan A Dale in the dungeon will attest. HELLO!

But not only Robin Hood, but also Torchwood has emerged with darker plots and less fluff than last season. It's like the writers of both these shows all woke up with constipation and a bad hangover. Knowaddamean?

Even so, for this farmer, it certainly gets me off the porch and into the TV room!

- Farmer Ted

Sunday, February 03, 2008

SMS. Found in a Bottle...

Have you ever gotten an SMS not meant for you? A text message "wrong number" as it were.

Well, that's what was happening to me from someone named "Kasie" who kept sending to my mobile veritable twitters of her life:

Hi babe
wats doin
i dont wanna go 2
school tomorrow

Much like the unnamed narrator in the Edgar Allan Poe story, Kasie was setting these snippets afloat on the airwaves. When you get these misdirected missives what do you do? Ignore them? Answer them?

Hi
how are you
im bored muchly

Finally it was too much for me. How could I eavesdrop on this persons thoughts? Her wasting the Telstra per SMS charge for each one she sent? Or more disturbingly, what else might she write I simply didn't want to know?

So I wrote back letting her know I wasn't the intended recipient, adding that I wasn't going to respond again.

I mean, c'mon, I have my own per SMS charges to think about too, ya know.

- Farmer Ted

Friday, February 01, 2008

A little bird told me...

Over this past weekend, I was helping a friend do some yard work. The great thing about this area of Australia in the summer is that the weather is so dang-blasted hot and dry that plants, including your lawn, just don't grow. So the work was limited to mostly cleaning up work.

Moving some branches aside, we discovered a hole in the siding that some birds had obviously been using as a nesting hole. After satisfying ourselves that there were neither eggs nor chicks inside, we pulled out as much of the nesting material we could reach (and what an archaeological dig THAT was) and then sealed the hole.

What we didn't count on was that the nest was still in use. Sure enough, back came the two owners fluttering in puzzlement around what used to be their front door. They then landed on a nearby branch and commenced to complain loudly to each other about this unfortunate turn of events.

Mrs Bird: See! I told you this would happen!
Mr Bird: What? How was I supposed to know that...
Mrs B: "Let's build the nest here," you said. "It'll be EASY," you said. "Humans are dumb - they'll never find it," you said. Now look at us! Homeless! AGAIN!
Mr B: Sorry, dearest. What can I do to make it up to...

And with that, Mrs B flies away leaving Mr B's last words stranded on the hot still January air.

Guess relationships are the same all over, even if you're only a bird.

- Farmer Ted