"Midnight Express" come to life...

Unbeknownst to my US brethren, a drug war of the most nefarious kind is being waged at the airports and shipping ports of the US. The federally appointed Drug Czar is losing sleep over it. TSA inspectors are on high alert to search passengers for it. Profiling is running unchecked and unchallenged for "mules" carrying it.

I'm talking about Vegemite(R), of course.

According to a spokesperson for Kraft in Australia, the US Government has undertaken a policy of blocking, confiscating, and destroying any Vegemite attempting to reach US shores. This includes stopping Australians landing in the US and performing searches of their personal effects looking for the innocuous dark brown jar with the bright bio hazard-yellow lid.

"WFT?!?" you are very correct in asking as any reasonable person would (except for anyone who's actually eaten the stuff - yuk). It seems that Vegemite contains the additive folate, which has many health benefits including being key in the initial phases of fetal development in pregnant women. However in the US, folate can only be added to baked goods and cereals. So that, in the eyes of the dreaded Folic Acid Mafia, means anyone carrying it needs to be leaned on. And hard.

"Dat's right!" rasps the Pillsbury Pop'n'Fresh Doughboy followed by his signature giggle. "Cross us and we'll stuff you in an industrial baking oven for 20 minutes on an ungreased cookie sheet just to teach you a lesson! (giggle)"

And yes, you would also be right in thinking why the hell are they concentrating men, money, and materiel on scoring The Big Vegemite Haul when there are illegal drugs hidden in Tickle-me Elmos, aliens and possibly dirty weapons they keep on scaring us about streaming into the country virtually unchecked?

Only the makers of Wonder Bread know for sure.

- Farmer Ted