Observing the Aussies: Pharmacopeia...

If you've been reading this blog for any amount of time, you'll know I suffer from chronic sinus infections. Anyone who's ever had one knows the full agony of it; something that's hard to describe to the uninitiated. In the US, there are an array of over-the-counter (OTC) medications that can help you through it, alleviating the symptoms enough so that going postal because your favorite TV show isn't on doesn't seem like a Perfectly Reasonable Response.

But none of those products are available here in Australia. Not sure why given their ready availability throughout the rest of the civilized world. For example, NyQuil; for those with a cold or flu, the greatest invention known to man. One little cap full before bedtime and you sleep so deeply even Rip Van Winkle is envious. But here in Oz? "Sorry, it has both pseudoephedrine (decongestant) and diphenhydramine (antihistamine that also makes you drowsy) in it. You might overdose, or worse, you'll shoot your eye out, kid" the Australian Ministry of Big Brother Knows Best scornfully opines.

So you trek to An Australian Pharmacy for something. Anything.

Now, everyone here knows about The Fetching Damsel (TFD) that inhabit the front of every Australian pharmacy; young ladies they put in your way so you can't get what you want. With a cheerful "How ya going?" they are there purely to deflect supplicants from The Pharmacist, who appear to be held in the same regard as Don Vito Corleone in The Godfather. Here's an actual dialog of me trying to get men's multivitamins:

TFD: Hi! How ya goin'? Can I help you find something?
Me: I'm looking for men's multivitamins.
TFD: [leading me] Sure, all the vitamins are right here.
Me: [peering closely at the labels] Umm. All these have herbs in them.
TFD: That's right. So they're also GOOD for you.
Me: Maybe, but have the herbs been tested for interaction with the other ingredients?
TFD: [appearing confused] Tested...
Me: Yeah. Some herbs have side affects with other drugs. And hey! These men's vitamins all have iron in them.
TFD: [warily] Yes...
Me: Didn't you know too much iron may contribute to coronary heart disease in men and lead to heart attacks?
TFD: [slowly reaching under the counter and pressing a buzzer] Interesting...

At this point Don Vito appeared in his white coat, sporting a huge signet ring with a diamond crusted Rod of Aesculapius. After calling me a troublemaker I was unceremoniously hustled out of the store.

And I still didn't get any NyQuil.

- Famer Ted