Butters just went to the dentist yesterday and came home with very sore gums. While getting out the Peroxyl, my own visits to the dentist played out like an installment of the movie "Saw". What would always puzzle me is that after using the sharp instrument to jab into your pinky gums to "measure probing depths" the hygienist would invariably pronounce you at fault by saying,"Oh, I see gum bleeding in there. You must have a lot of plaque buildup."
"No," I think to myself sarcastically, "it's because you're jabbing my gums with a sharp instrument they're bleeding." Now I say this to myself because, 1) my mouth is stuffed with dental cotton making talking impossible; 2) the hygienist still has the sharp sticker in her hand and my momma didn't raise no fools.
If you think this attitude that the patient being always in the wrong happens only at the dentist, you'd be mistaken.
On my last visit to the optometrist, I was put through the battery of so-called eye health tests before even seeing the doctor of optometry. Having the assistant have me do the chart reading test, the "round circle of bright lights glaring into your eyes" test, the "streaming bright vertical slits of light blindingly on your retinas" test and, worse, the glaucoma "puff of dessicating air into your wide open eyes" test. Finally being ushered, stumbling and half blind into the presence of the optometrist, the first thing the doctor observes to me is,"I see your eyes are really red and irritated. You must have a problem with them."
This time, not being vaugely menaced by a sharp instrument, I could let this health professional know why my peepers were like that and just what I thought of the diagnosis. The faint response? "Oh, there is that."
(smugly) Let's just say the rest of the exam went by with no further fault finding.
- Farmer Ted
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