Where's Sam Popeil when you need him...

Nothing tells me I'm back in the US like the plethora of television commercials about products you "just can't do without!" Out of all of them, two are so egregious to common sense they have become finalists in the Farmer Ted Snake Oil 2007 Awards competition.

First Runner Up: THE INFINITY RAZOR, "the razor that NEVER loses its edge!" screams the announcer. Now it's not that I don't really believe them, although I have my doubts, but I figure the chances of this coming to market with the likes of razor giants Gillette and Schick standing ready to quash anything that damages market share as being highly doubtful. But further research turns out why the Big Sharp Wars didn't even count this as a skirmish, earning this the Silver Snake Oil statuette.

Grand Prize: KINOKI FOOT PADS, "detoxify your body while you sleep" according to "ancient japanese reflexology..." Huh? The commercial shows tired people putting these sticky pads on their feet, going to sleep, and then waking up, peeling off the now dirty-looking toxin-laden kinoki pads and refining Einstein's theories over breakfast. Why sleep at a Holiday Inn Express when you can use Kinoki? But I needn't have worried: turns out the pads are embedded with a substance to begin with and moisture from your feet brings out the dark color; earning them the Gold Snake Oil prize.

I think I liked the days of Sam Popeil's company, Ronco, better - what innocence! Sure they may have been hyped to death, and may even have been a bit silly, but at least no one doubted their Veg-O-Matic really worked.

- Farmer Ted