Arachnophobia...

I was almost killed in my bedroom yesterday.

Woke up ("YAWWWWN"), stretched, got out of bed, and went to open the bedroom door stopping when reaching for the doorknob. "What the heck is that?" I wondered to myself as I bent down for a closer look. Some spider-looking shiny black spider had taken up residence in the space around the door jamb. Thinking of your garden variety American house spider, I paid it little mind thinking I'll just sweep it up after work.

When I finally did get home and went to take care of it, I decided to just have at it with the broom and kill it. In the final stages of the struggling to best the eight-legged monster, I noticed the rather bright red patterning on it's back. Quickly running my mind back over Bill Bryson's "In a Sunburned Country" I realized that this was actually a DEADLY SPIDER! And I ain't talking about Spiderman 3's alter ego either.

The mind shies away from how close I came to being spider fodder.

All I could see around my house all last night were visions of the spiders clicking their oozing mandibles and coming at me. Like when Robin Williams' character was trapped in the attic floor in the movie Jumanji. Chittering their nefarious chittering about how much more tasty Americans are than Australians because they don't taste like Vegemite.

Shudder.

As one Australian I related the story to said to me, "Ah mate! That's just the one you saw!" A second helpfully said, "Yeah, I tried to spray insecticide outside but that just meant they came inside to get away from it." While another added, "You're lucky it wasn't in your bed. Oh and I'll bet you'll shake out your shoes before you put them on too, huh?"

So, just how did they kill the beasties in Arachnophobia. Dr. Ross Jennings? I think I need some help here!

- Farmer Ted