Observing the Aussies: A travelogue...

DAY 1-THE TRIP
DEAR DIARY, Arrived at the bus station to catch the Limestone Coast bus down to Robe this past weekend. A bus station a co-worker described by saying, "reminds me of one of those bus stations when a kid is running away in a 1950s movie." Hmph. Only if the kid was harassed by drunks shouting at him, "Hey buddy!" The bus itself was surprisingly comfortable, the passengers consisting mostly of housewives, students, and concessioners going nowhere. The trip was surprisingly swift considering the tiny hamlets we stopped along the way. These Aussies showed their native ingenuity by using this same bus as a package delivery service for these places as well.

DAY 2-IN ROBE
DEAR DIARY, Now I know Robe is not quite the outback; it is, however, in the part of South Australia that can only be called "earthy". There is something called The Great Southern Muster going on and the guy next door spent all day shining his cherry red Ute SS for the Ute judging contest. Now THAT is earthy. The town itself is quite pretty though and the beaches are so much better than Ocean City, MD! At the restaurant for dinner, a wedding reception for two local young people was going on next door. I knew it was a wedding because the bride arrived carrying a stubbie. The groom's song played was "Sweet Child O'Mine" by Guns'n'Roses. How romantic! Then her song played: "These Boots Were Made for Walking" by Nancy Sinatra. Diary? If I were the grooms parents I woulda been exchanging worried looks right about then.

DAY 3-GOING HOME
DEAR DIARY, Hitched a ride in Butters' car for the trip home. Which was a relief cause while I'm as seasoned a traveler as the next guy I won't miss the joy of sitting next to a bus restroom. The weather was beautiful and I almost had my head out the window looking at everything. I do wonder, Diary, why so many kangaroos were taking naps by the side of the highway, though. But it was a great trip. A great place. And I'd gladly go again.

- Farmer Ted.

One if by land, two if by sea...

My American business colleagues landed yesterday, we all meeting up to talk about various topics and more importantly recalibrate after months of communicating by phone and e-mail. As we drank glasses of South Australia wine (provided by your Farmer) and caught up on each other's news I must admit I'd been a while since I'd felt at ease like this here in Australia. For just a few hours I could listen to chatter, make observations, and joke around knowing the complete context of everything. Not having to worry about things when I'm with a group of Australians like: did I hear the joke correctly? Should I laugh at this story or would they get offended because I think I know what it means? Do I have to explain the background of what I'm talking about so the listener "gets it"?

I guess this is really nothing new as anyone in this situation has faced the same thing. But ya know, it was good to not be on my guard for just a little while.

- Farmer Ted

It's raining, it's pouring...

It's raining here today.

Now, to the average reader this pronouncement would be met with a shrug and a click-through to YouTube. But given it's summer. In Australia. This is met by your average denizen with whoops and shouts.

I kid you not, people had their faces pressed against the glass to look at this phenomenon we in the US take for granted.

Why? Because here in South Australia the last rainfall is normally in November and then doesn't rain again until the end of April.

And surprise, suprise! The rain wasn't predicted by the BOM.

But I will say, even your Farmer was a bit surprised by the rain. Not that I did a rain dance or anything like one of my co-workers.

But then again, I'm not Australian.

- Farmer Ted

My MacWorld and welcome to it...

Now that I've had my Mac-mini for a few months, I got a bone to pick with Steve Jobs.

Sure MacWorld 2008 stunned the world and I got lotsa nice things to say about the Macintosh over a Windows-based machine, but there may be a few suggestions I have to get even more converts:

INCLUDE SOME INSTRUCTIONS, WILL YA! Ok, so I know it supposed to be intuitive-like and all but can we have a few more instructions included other than how to connect it all up? Once I did hook it up and then turned it on and marveled appropriately at the kickass apple icon, I was faced with the annoying fact that I didn't know f*ck all to do with the thing. So I just sat, feeling like a kid having been given the space shuttle for his 12th birthday and told, "See yaz latah!"

HEY, HOW ABOUT SOME USEFUL SOFTWARE? iLife, my eye! I'd like simple inexpensive programs that allow me to work with Microsoft created documents or simply view pictures in a slideshow without having to either import 'em or put a tag on 'em. This seems to be beyond the comprehension of the software engineers at Apple, who instead decided to unleash Safari on the Win world and so prove Win apps are better after all.

LESS LEFT-BRAIN, MORE LOGIC AS TO HOW THINGS WORK. Of course I like the softer way Macs work as well as the next person, but can we get some logic to its operation as well? For example in MacMail, I wanted to change my mail server. Thinking "Easy! I'll go in, delete the old mail server and put in the details for the new one." I startled koalas with my screams of anguish as at the same time MacMail proceeded to happily delete every single message I ever received or sent from my account. Weakly going to Apple support and looking up the topic there it was in black and white, "Deleting a mail server will delete all messages sent or received from that server." It was followed by another line which simply had on it, "Duh."

Yeah, I know you have this success under your belt, Steve. But just remember NeXt, Lisa, and the Apple IIe and be humble.

Be very very humble.

- Farmer Ted

International House of Horrors: The race card...

I wondered when race when finally become a factor in the US Democratic Party race for nomination. With one of the front runners being a black American, Sen Barack Obama, and the other a white American, Sen Hillary Clinton, I figured it was only a matter of time.

Sadly, my prediction has come true.

In the heated political world of sound bites and spin doctors, those who try to foment dissent found their opening in remarks by Sen Clinton about the 1964 Civil Rights legislation. A remark that while historically correct is not the popularly held view. Who seized upon this difference and escalated it to "an issue" is unclear, but the result has been to divide a black constituency in the US that needs, now more than ever, to have a single clear voice. And instead we are listening to other voices that are trying to make us less than we could be.

What we can be.

Together.

- Farmer Ted

Flora and Fauna (3)...

Close on the heels of my first Australian wildlife sighting, came a second one. Driving towards Beachport SA at 110 Kpm, the car directly in front of us swerved alarmingly. Quicker than you can say "jolly swagman" Butters was also swerving to avoid flattening a very strange creature crossing the road in front of us.

What I took to be a porcupine at first turned out to be an echidna. A very strange looking critter that seems to live by eating ants. I observed that it must be an endangered species since a) it was out in the daytime, which on an Australian summer day in the area can reach +40C (something that caused the expiration recently of a co-workers cat); and, 2) while it was obviously trying to hustle across the road, it was also evidently not all that fast, and definitely not speedy enough to avoid a moving vehicle.

Run, little echidna! A fast as an echidna can!

Btw, it did make it to the other side without incident. After all, I would hardly call an animal seen, er, napping on the side of the road noteworthy. Knowaddamean?

- Farmer Ted

Observing the Aussies: Gimme shelter...

It's an amazing subculture here: Australian men and their sheds. And I'm not talking about any men, these are almost exclusively married Australian men. And their sheds appear to be the only place they feel they can sit back on their thrown, crack open a beer, and survey their exclusive demesnes free of interference from "the little woman" - even if it's only four feet square. It's where men keep their treasures like power tools, half finished projects, and the nudie calendars. All the married men at my office talk about theirs, invariably adding wistfully that all they want to make their shed complete is a portable fridge and a toilet.

The shed as a male cultural icon is so prevalent there is a book written about the phenomenon as well as a website for a support organization called (I kid you not) The Men's Sheds in Australia Association.

Meanwhile, on a trip back from the Limestone Coast recently I innocently asked whether livestock out grazing in the blazing sun are ever given shelter and was told, "A shed? Um, no. They are born, live, and die under the open sky."

Seems like there's a lesson in there somewhere.

- Farmer Ted