It's the simple things...

Would you believe I've been here for two years now? The chair has practically worn a groove in the porch meaning it's pretty comfortable. While globalization and the fact we all come from comparable societies has meant I'm able to find what I need, there are still a few simple things I'm missing about back in the US.

Like a bagel slicer. While in every store in the US bagel slicers are, in fact, unknown here. Yes, I said "unknown". Not the least reason because people don't really eat bagels widely here. Like when I went to an upscale cooking implement store to find one:

Me: (to clerk) Excuse me, but do you sell bagel slicers here?
Clerk: (slowly) A bagel slicer... (turning to another clerk behind her) Say, do we have bagel slicers?
Clerk #2: What's a bagel slicer?
Me: Well, it looks sorta like a guillotine. You push the handle down and it slices the bagel in half with no fuss.
Clerk #2: Nooo. We have nothing like that. But wow! What a great idea!
Clerk #1: But I don't eat bagels anyway. Do you?
Clerk #2: No.
Me: (sigh)
So, armed only with a bread knife and determination I've shed blood several times accomplishing this simple task.

But help may be on the way in the form of Butter's trip to the US; Customs willing, of course. But if they raise any questions, all it would take is sharing a perfectly sliced and toasted everything bagel with a schmear and it's in!

- Farmer Ted