Friday, July 31, 2009

A rose by any other name..

This weekend I'm going to be performing a feat not done by the faint-hearted: I'm going to build my first file server for my home. And I'm going to do it using Linux.

I can hear some of you out there, saying "What a geek!" and "What kinda person would do that in his free time? I know..."

Interestingly, it's something I've really want to try to do. And besides, there are a lot of sweet things about being a geek. Just ask anyone.

- Farmer Ted

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Observing the Aussies: Tabloid talk..

Newspaper headlines in Australia leave me puzzled, at a loss to imagine what the heck they're trying to tell me.

MACCA WANTED BROWN, blares The Adelaide Advertiser. I didn't guess it was about two sports figures.

CUCUMBER TRUCK HITS BUFF NEAR JUMPING CROCS, is splashed across The Northern Territory News front page. If you're like me, you know each of those words but put them together and it's like no phrase in english you've ever seen.

And maybe that's my trouble: perhaps it's not english but a sort of tabloid pidgin-australian, as it were. But papers in the US are not any better I guess:

VACS WACKS: CONCERNS OVER CC, screams The NY Post.

Uh,I say "The fat man has landed, the eagle walks alone."
So THERE!

- Farmer Ted

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Little facts I can do without #3..

Seen on the side of a panel truck yesterday:

Delivering Excellence in Swine Reproduction

Does anyone else feel like washing their hands right about now?

- Farmer Ted

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Shredded tweet..

The Colonel and I were talking today about Twitter.

As I've written before, social networking leaves me cold - as in with fear. I just don't like my business all out there for anyone to read. Like the poor guy who Twittered saying he was away from home and returned to find his house had been burgled. And call me apathetic, call me self-absorbed; but I honestly don't care about what other people are doing every minute of their day.

What is true is that most of our daily lives is singularly uninteresting to anyone except ourselves. I did surf onto someone blog that had their Twitter feed. After riveting posts like, "Just went to kitchen. Still nothing in frig." and, "I hate getting up for a wrong number on the phone." I was more perplexed than ever.

So why is Twitter such a hot thing right now?

I think because people are afraid they'll miss something. It's human nature. Take for an illustration the man who put a mini camera on his cat's collar certain that after he left the house each day the feline lived some sort of wild and crazy cat life. After getting home and checking the images he realized something profound:

All the cat did was sleep. It did nothing exciting at all.

So he had done that effort.. and waiting.. for nothing.

Twitterers take note.

- Farmer Ted

Monday, July 27, 2009

Life invisible no more...

Someone whom I consider a watershed writer has passed.

E. Lynn Harris died this past Thursday of undisclosed causes. He was 54.

I refer to Mr Harris the way I do not just because he was one of the first African-American authors I'd read intentionally for the experience. And notwithstanding the fact he was gay, but at the time I was reading his first book, Invisible Life, the nascent African-American mass market for books was getting started. Through a book club I belonged to, I discovered many other books by black authors: some excellent and some not so. And his first novel was like The Stonewall of the upsurge ushering it all in.

And so I say, simply, "Thanks, Mr Harris."

- Farmer Ted

Friday, July 24, 2009

Merry Xmas 2...

No, you're not reading wrong. It's just that tomorrow I'm celebrating my second annual Christmas in July celebration at the house with friends. As I mentioned last year at this time, now that it's cold with short days so that you want to snuggle up inside the house to a warm fire really seems like it should be the time for Christmas. And not when it's 90F and you're having a Xmas bbq like it is at calendar Christmas here in Australia.

Butters and I put together a menu to make any Christmas celebration proud: turkey with lemon stuffing, cranberry apple chutney, roast vegetables, candied yams and sourdough rolls; matched all up with cocktails and wines, including sparkling shiraz that Aussies insist you must have with turkey and you have a feast.

Yeah, I think this country does a disservice to itself by not having a bit of light and warmth during the coldest part of the year. Makes me appreciate home even more, I reckon.

- Farmer Ted

Thursday, July 23, 2009

A milestone of sorts...

Welcome to my 201st blog entry. That's right! If you had a cake and lit a candle for every one of them the cake would be inedibly covered with wax by the time you lit the last one.

So with this, I thought I might answer a few questions posed over the course of the two hundred posts, submitted by readers like you (or by me pretending to be you):

Farmer Ted - Where did you get the name "Farmer Ted" and why did you choose it? - Curious in Catalina
Dear Catty, Farmer Ted was the character played by Anthony Michael Hall in that coming-of-age classic "Sixteen Candles". As I liked the way he grew up and got a bit wiser over the course of the film, I thought the same might happen for me writing this blog. Rather, I've just grown older and a bit more sharp tongued. Luckily, I still have a crush on Molly Ringwald.

Farmer Ted - What is that view from your front porch, anyway? - (no name)
Dear Lazy Signer, this is a view from the porch at Paxton Winery in McLaren Vale, South Australia. While it may look quite bucolic, it is hella hot and dry for most of the year. I took the picture in the "About me.." during the summer, meaning the view from the porch is really through the window near the porch while I stand in the air conditioning inside. So sue me.

Guess that's it for now. Keep reading and thanks for the encouragement!

- Farmer Ted

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Missed it by THAT much..

So as luck with have it, the most complete solar eclipse of this century is occuring at this moment over the eastern hemisphere.

As you will observe, the only way to see even the tiniest bit here in Australia is if I travel to the very tip-top of Queensland and stand on my tip toes.

Figures.

- Farmer Ted

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

To the moon, Alice...

July 20, 1969. So where were you on the day of the first manned spacecraft landing on the moon?

Given it was summertime and a Sunday night so I'm sure I was at home from elementary school. My parents were in the room and not at work so that fits.

I remember thinking while looking at the contrasty image on the TV screen, "Cool! Not sure why everyone's so excited. But cool!"

Sure people are complaining about the national mandate to go back to the moon, but hey, I think it will still be pretty cool.

Again.

- Farmer Ted

Monday, July 20, 2009

International House of Horrors: Why Halle Berry cried...

I remember when Halle Berry won the Best Actress Academy Award at the 2002 Oscars. It was a noteworthy event given the fact that no African-American woman had won it in the history of the awards. Her acceptance speech was heartfelt, simple and moving. During which she cried; and rightly so, I thought. My UK friends were pretty derisive about her reaction, saying how over the top it was.

Being American, I found it very hard to explain to them centuries of US cultural memory that came together at that moment. How can you? How can anyone? And so I didn't even try, but ever since then I've been sending them news snippets of evidence of racial injustice in the US graphically illustrating that the memory is sadly a harsh reality; entitling each email, "Why Halle Berry cried".

In Philadelphia PA, where your farmer hailed from, a recent event involving children at a private swimming pool has shown there is still far to go in America.

And so the tears roll on.

- Farmer Ted

Friday, July 17, 2009

Cha-ching...

Like something out of a made-for-TV movie, 19-yo UK resident and student Jamie Neal went out on a few hours walkabout in the Blue Mountains of NSW (Australia) and wound up lost. He had left his belongings, including his mobile phone, behind at the place he was staying. Some 12 days later he was discovered, just a bit the worse for wear, having survived by eating plants and berries to headlines all over the world.

While glad he was discovered safely, the thing that galls everyone I speak to here is that his "tale of survival" is expected to fetch him up to one million dollars on the talk show, tabloid, and lecture circuit.

$1M. Hmph. Not bad for just being a dumb-ass.

- Farmer Ted

Thursday, July 16, 2009

As the Gavel Turns...

Because of my time zone, it's difficult to watch the live hearings on the nomination of Judge Sonya Sotomayor to the US Supreme Court. However replays are pretty easy to come by. What's really striking is how annoyed I got by the senators on the panel from the first moments of the bluster and puffery of their opening statements. During these - were it a courtroom - I'm sure Judge Sotomayor would have surely banged her gavel and asked archly, "Excuse me, Senator, but is there a question in there somewhere?" In fact on one day Sotomayor was only able to speak for about 8 mins in over 3 hours of Senatorial grandstanding. So we endure our elected officials doing nothing but wanting to make themselves heard on some point important only to them or worse, their party backers.

Said Sen. Jeff Session (R-AL) in a discourse about letting personal feelings influence a judges decision,"In truth, it's more akin to politics, and politics has no place in the courtroom."

If only that were true in the hearing chamber, Mr Senator.

- Farmer Ted

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

International House of Horrors: Less dagger, please...

The US Central Intelligence Agency is one beleaguered agency under investigation on multiple fronts. Including the latest coming slowly and sordidly to light: acting, it's now appearing, as some sort of secret hit squad with the involvement of then Vice President Dick Cheney. Giving a new meaning to word dagger in the phrase, "cloak and dagger."

To me the CIA, like any government agency, is primarily made of good hard-working men and women just doing the right thing. And yet it seems, from here on the porch, that a few of the decision makers are allowing the agency to be used in ways that don't stand the paper test. Decisions that instead reflect poorly on everyone in the agency; ultimately hampering any one of them from doing their jobs effectively.

I can't help but wonder why. Why allow themselves to be used like this?

I guess it all boils down to what my grandmomma said, "You can't expect people to respect you until you respect yourself."

- Farmer Ted

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Those crystal moments...

I think everyone has those special moments where for just that second the world contracts into a crystal clear instant in time. I'm not talking about the "Where were you when..." moments, but a moment in time that couldn't get more perfect, more happy or more special.

Me? I try to remember my top 3. I was reminded of one of them when The Colonel was talking about a holiday including a trip to Paris that he and the Mrs just returned from. While in Paris, he told me about sitting at a cafe and who they met and how it turned into an incredibly fun day with new un-looked for friends.

Likewise there was a summer when I lived in Paris. A friend I hadn't seen in forever came over from London and with another friend from America and with hours before returning to our respective countries we decided to spend all day just going from cafe to cafe. Starting at breakfast, we went from one to another as the whim took us, sitting for hours talking about anything and everything, laughing and companionable. Our drinking went from cafe cremes, to menthe a l'eau, to beers then to wine as the day progressed into night. The moment came as evening was falling and we were in a little cafe on a square off Rue du Pot de Fer. The setting summer sun was striking the buildings across the square as kids were playing in the fountain. As we sat and I looked around the square to the lights coming on in the filling cafes and then at my chatting friends I suddenly realized here was a moment that had waited an eternity to come and would never come again. I felt warm and content, special and privileged to be there that second at that place. And so I remember.

So when are your moments in time?

- Farmer Ted

Monday, July 13, 2009

Little facts I can do without #2...


From a calendar:

In the 17th century Tsar Michael of Russia hated smoking so much he decreed beating for the first offense, a slit nose for the second and death for the third.

Gee. And people I know complain about having to step outside.

- Farmer Ted

Friday, July 10, 2009

Swimming upstream...

Did you know that people tend to walk on the same side of passageways and sidewalks as they drive?

While I don't know if there's a study that verifies this, I can tell you from painful experience that it's true.

Being here in Australia where people drive on the left, they definitely tend to walk on that side too.

And me, being from the US tends to walk on the right. Meaning - you guessed it - when walking I often find myself going against the flow.

Like a salmon swimming upstream.

- Farmer Ted

Thursday, July 09, 2009

So what's in a name...

Remember when the names of stadiums and arenas were civic minded such that they actually meant something?

Pictured above is an aerial view of the stadium area in South Philadelphia circa 1971. From left to right they are John F Kennedy Stadium, The Spectrum, and Veterans Stadium. In these venues football, basketball & hockey, and baseball, respectively were played. Good sensible respectable building names that made sense (even "The Spectrum" as it was meant to be used by an array of arena sports).

Now JFK and Vet Stadium are long gone, having been replaced by newer structures. And the names? Hmph. All sold to the highest bidder: Lincoln Financial Field, Wachovia Center, and Citizens Bank Park. That does cause problems, of course, given the propensity of businesses to fail or merge. The plain Spectrum, has been called The CoreStates Spectrum and the First Union Spectrum until now being the Wachovia Spectrum as each of the institutions was successively swallowed by another. And with Wachovia's failure it's now part of Wells Fargo.

The Wells Fargo Spectrum.
Now that just rolls off the tongue, don't it?

- Farmer Ted

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

Take two & call me in the morning...

Norton Anti-Virus has to be about the worst anti-virus program out there. And I say that not because it doesn't do its primary job, which is to protect your PC from malware; just in the way it goes about it.

Not content to protect your PC against viruses and other malware, it also takes over your recycle bin (in case you want to undelete something), your network access (in case something tries to connect that shouldn't), and your operating system (in case something tries to install that shouldn't). Not taking into account these are things that happen normally all the time, in the name of protecting you this software presents you with warning box after warning box of things you can't do anything about or are unsure that you want to do anything about.

And by dire warnings from other product that do similar things, a user is duped into installing even more software. Take my poor cousin Red, for example: between the protection offered by Windows and layered products of Norton, AOL, and virus scan package by her ISP her entire PC is now in a paroxysm of conflicting indecision. Practically schizophrenic with all these things in its poor computer brain trying to protect it, it displays lots of confusing warnings but accomplishes nothing.

My solution to the whole mess? I bought a Mac.

- Farmer Ted

Tuesday, July 07, 2009

Little facts I can do without #1...

From the lid on a juice drink:

No. 100
Your mouth produces about 1.5 litres of saliva each day.

Yuk.

- Farmer Ted

Monday, July 06, 2009

Bu-bye...

I read in a book recently that in America, "social class is probably the single most important variable in society." Yet the idea that the US is classless is one we hold dear.

While this notion is - of course - patently false, nowhere is the idea of social class more enforced than by airline frequent flier programs. In these programs you accrue loyalty miles for flying with a particular airline or airlines. The more miles you get the higher your level and so your status. Status levels with names like, "bronze", "sliver", "gold", and "platinum"; or worse yet, "member" up to "elite". And with each level come perks such as priority boarding, special check-in lines, better seating, and club lounges to go to instead of waiting at the gates.

And I've even enjoyed it, I'm embarrassed to say. Like at an airport once where there was a special security lane for frequent fliers allowing you to skip directly to the barrier. As I walked past the 50 or so people in line I heard someone grumble about me not getting in line, only to have their companion whisper, "Oh! He must be one of those elite fliers!" People turned and stared.

But the let me tell you, the old saying, "...the harder they fall" certainly applies too. As I found out when, not realizing my level had been dropped in a period of inactivity, I nonetheless showed up at the airline club lounge following a particularly horrific flight. After a quick check of my name in the golden book the gatekeeper at the club desk purred with malicious glee, "Ooo. So sorry Mr Ted, but your membership no longer includes access to the lounge. Uh, bu-bye." And looking past me brightly said, "Next in line, please."

I could have sworn I heard her mumble something like "let them eat cake." But with the whoosh of the exit door closing behind me, maybe I misheard. Oh well, "Easy come.."

- Farmer Ted

Saturday, July 04, 2009

That's a lotta candles...

To all my countrymen, a safe and Happy 4th of July holiday!


- Farmer Ted

Friday, July 03, 2009

Being musically serendipitous...

Have you ever discovered music only to suddenly hear it in the most unexpected places? Well here are three items that are on my iPod playlist that I'm listening to right now:

"Where the Wild Roses Grow", Nick Cave & Kylie Minogue - Dark and eerie with a cool video, Butters first introduced me to this song. Since then I've heard it on various YouTube videos playing in the background and on TV. I never would have even noticed this before.

"Salala", Angelique Kidjo & Peter Gabriel - I had the privilege of seeing Ms Kidjo in concert here. I'd never heard of her before and received the tickets as a gift. She is stunning on stage and can truthfully say I have never enjoyed a concert more in my life. Since then I have heard her music in the most unlikely places including a bookstore in the San Francisco airport and playing on outdoor speakers at a shopping mall in Australia. I'm glad I appreciate who she is now.

"Chase That Feeling", Hilltop Hoods - It is a rare Hip-Hop song indeed that makes me want to hear more, but this song is the #1 played on my iPod and on constant repeat. I first saw the video for it on RAGE and then received the CD as a gift. Hilltop Hoods are a trio from, of all places, Adelaide SA from an area I'm very familiar with (for reasons I won't go into here :-). They have swept the charts in Australia and my only regret is that the US seems blissfully unaware of them at the moment. But I think once this track hits the US - and lemme tell ya they do everything right on it - it will be huge.

Interestingly, these artists are either Australian or I first heard of them here in Australia. Hm. Is there a pod under my bed?

- Farmer Ted

Thursday, July 02, 2009

Observing the Aussies: It's next to godliness...

This Australian behavior caused my mouth to drop open.

I remember the first time a few years ago when I was here on a business trip and went into a Maccas (that's McDonald's to you and me) for a quick bite. Sitting down in the minuscule dining area, I observed a couple who had finished their meal blithely get up leaving the trash from their meal behind without a backward glance. I was shocked to the core. "Oo! My momma would give them such a pinch," I thought! Only to see yet another group do it, followed minutes later by some bottom-of-the-rung McD's employee busing the tables.

Since then I have seen it countless times; including people at food courts eat amongst other people's leavings rather than clear the table. Even today a group of kids in an outdoor eating area of a fast-food restaurant got up and left their trash on a table mere feet from a receptacle, only to have it join the other discarded meal packages blowing around the parking lot like brightly colored confetti.

And remember that McDonald's I was talking about? It got so bad one night it garnered worldwide attention when someone posted cell phone footage of the mess on YouTube.

The Singaporean newspaper, The Straits Times, recounted an on-line blog entry, "I, for one, will not clear my trays at a foodcourt, not because I lack social graces, but because most foodcourts are not designed for customers to do that. What's next? Asking diners to clear up after themselves at a restaurant?"

Maybe it's just me.

- Farmer Ted

Wednesday, July 01, 2009

It's the simple things...

Would you believe I've been here for two years now? The chair has practically worn a groove in the porch meaning it's pretty comfortable. While globalization and the fact we all come from comparable societies has meant I'm able to find what I need, there are still a few simple things I'm missing about back in the US.

Like a bagel slicer. While in every store in the US bagel slicers are, in fact, unknown here. Yes, I said "unknown". Not the least reason because people don't really eat bagels widely here. Like when I went to an upscale cooking implement store to find one:

Me: (to clerk) Excuse me, but do you sell bagel slicers here?
Clerk: (slowly) A bagel slicer... (turning to another clerk behind her) Say, do we have bagel slicers?
Clerk #2: What's a bagel slicer?
Me: Well, it looks sorta like a guillotine. You push the handle down and it slices the bagel in half with no fuss.
Clerk #2: Nooo. We have nothing like that. But wow! What a great idea!
Clerk #1: But I don't eat bagels anyway. Do you?
Clerk #2: No.
Me: (sigh)
So, armed only with a bread knife and determination I've shed blood several times accomplishing this simple task.

But help may be on the way in the form of Butter's trip to the US; Customs willing, of course. But if they raise any questions, all it would take is sharing a perfectly sliced and toasted everything bagel with a schmear and it's in!

- Farmer Ted