You just put your lips together and blow...

I was motioned over by the state police for a breathalyzer test this past weekend while entering a town where a rock festival was being held. Now, I have never been pulled over for anything in Australia before, so as I carefully pulled my car onto the soft shoulder and slowly towards the waiting officer I wasn't sure what to expect.

Winding down my window, he stepped up to my car door holding a small black box-like affair sporting a white tube.

"Police breathalyzer test. Do you consent to being tested?" he summarily asked not realizing how I relished this unique experience.

"Of course," I said eagerly.

After pressing a few buttons, causing an angry *beep* to come from the box with each press, he held it so the tube was to my lips.

"Just blow in the end of the breathalyzer tube, thank you" he said.

"Phht!" I blew a quick breath.

I was rewarded with an annoyed *beep* sound from the machine. "Uh, harder," he advised.

"PHHT!"

**BEEP**

"Again, but longer this time," obviously wondering how tough this was going to be.

"PHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHT!" I phht'd, I swear turning blue in the face.

I knew I was successful this time because the breathalyzer unit responded with a rather smug beep. A quick look at the unit by the officer and I was waved on my way with a curt "Thanks!"

Oh well, at least I'll remember my first time fondly.

- Farmer Ted