Does this mean I'm becoming Aussie?

I've been accused of trying to "be Aussie." Which every American knows, being told you're trying to pass in another country is probably one of the most anti-American words that can be uttered about an American.

What my Aussie friends don't realize is that after several months of being in this country, there are some battles I have chosen to just wave the white flag on. So here are three examples of Aussie vs US personal capitulations:

"tomato sauce" versus "ketchup" - Every Aussie claims they know of no such thing as ketchup, yet one stroll down the aisle of a neighborhood Woolies will show Heinz Ketchup with it's cheerful Pennsylvania keystone-shaped white label with green & gold-edging (that's right! For my Aussie friends reading this, the Heinz family hails from the Farmer Ted Porch state) clearly spelling out the fallicy of their assertion. But yet I have given in to not just saying tomato sauce but pronouncing the first word "tow-MAH-tow" else you get a blank stare of incomprehension. What could I do - I gave up.

"petrol" versus "gas" - I've taken use of petrol for defensive reasons. Here, it seems "gas" only refers to natural, LP, or pull-my-finger. So you would think that hearing me say, "I have to go put gas in the car" would immediately cause a connection to the American usage. Not so! While we think, "Yeah, so what's the confusion?" here there are stations where you CAN put LP gas into a vehicle for fuel. Sorry, there is no use commercial for the kind dad gives after a big meal.

"zed" versus "zee"- This is an honorable mention because I've only half given in on this one: I use the Aussie pronunciation when it's part of a proper name - like the bank, ANZ. I've found that when I would say "ay. en. zee" a listener's eyes would glaze over as they creaked through the "Oy! Uh. Why does that sound so familiar. Hmmm." So to cut that drama, I just say "ay. en. zed." Can you blame me?

So why do I give up these skirmishes? Not because I wanted to but rather to avoid an international incident. One more Australian who to my innocent query of "Do you have ketchup?" responds with malice "Do we have what, mate?" will get a punch in the mouth.

And that's just not the way to assimilate.

- Farmer Ted