Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Observing the Aussies: Falling down commemorating...

This past weekend was ushered in by the celebration of ANZAC Day, marking the anniversary of the first major military action fought by Australian and New Zealand Army Corps (ANZAC) forces during the First World War. Unfortunately this military action was the tragic 1915 events at Gallipoli.

In recent times, ANZAC Day is observed by a rather solemn dawn service generally followed by (according to Wikipedia) "social gatherings of veterans, hosted either in a pub or in an RSL Club."

Now the astute reader will notice by this description the social gathering in the pub immediately follows the dawn service. But what it doesn't say is that the gathering in the pub or RSL often precedes the dawn service as well. It also fails mention that the RSL - which serves the same purpose as the VFW Posts in the US - also serves free alcohol to service members all day. Can you see where this is leading?

How come we can't celebrate like this in the US? Our Memorial Day is so stodgy!

I'm just sayin...

- Farmer Ted

Thursday, April 24, 2008

International House of Horrors: Please print clearly...

A self-admitted key mandate of the US Department of Homeland Security's charter to keep the country safe is to verify the exit of visitors by collecting the same type of biometric data (fingerprints and digital pictures) now supplied upon entry. This would allow matching entry and exit of visitors to keep track of them.

Reasonable and necessary? Definitely!

But the problem is the proposed implementation. In a baffling bureaucratic decision, the DHS is again resting this responsibility in the hands of the private transportation industry. A duty that would add an uncompensated financial burden on the industry of up to $3Bn dollars over 10 years.

The current system depends of the dreaded I-94 form that is filled out upon entry, a stub stapled in the visitor's passport and collected upon exit by the airline providing international carriage. For anyone who has non-US friends, we've all heard stories of this collection routinely not happening, most often by simple oversight. Yet try and re-enter without having had it collected: according to DHS, you've obviously tried to stay in the US and are obliged to provide them proof of exit, despite the fact you're physically standing in front of the customs agent re-entering.

Yet this is the process they want to leave in the hands of that same industry, only now collecting MORE data and not just the stub of the passport-stapled green form.

Does anyone but me see the madness in this?

Many other countries have solved the problem simply: their immigration department sets up an exit passport control much like the entry process; one where the agent instantly knows whether you've overstayed your welcome. And if all is ok, check you out with no fuss, bother or the use of staple removers.

And ya know, I would much rather place that duty of security in the hands of someone who's job it is and is trained to do it, than someone trying to load a plane that's late while someone with screaming kids is standing in front of them demanding everyone get seats together.

I know, why not ask Boeing to give back the almost $1Bn they're getting for that swiss-cheese of a border fence and use the money to do what actually needs to be done?

- Farmer Ted

Sunday, April 20, 2008

I ain't got no minutes...

Just got back from a quick visit home to visit my rather extended family in the southern US. While driving around their small town with my rather taciturn teenage cousin, both Butters and I were amazed at the brevity with which she could hold a conversation on her pay-as-you-go cell phone. Most "conversations" consisted of a string of mono-syllables often ending simply with the sharp *snap* of the flip-phone closing.

Ah, teenagers!

But the one that struck us most funny was when she would receive a call from someone she didn't particularly want to talk to. Then would come a scornful, "What'chu calling me for? I ain't go no minutes!" *snap*

How laden with so much was that one phrase, instantly letting the other person know she didn't want to be bothered by them, the topic, or any conversation with them on any topic. How I would love to incorporate that phrase into my own life:

When I paid good money for the James Patterson book "The Quickie" with its annoyingly insipid and transparent plot; tossing it into a paper recycle barrel not 1/3 the way through?

I ain't got no minutes!

When the person next to me on a flight starts talking to me, telling far too much about his/her life for any complete stranger? I just put on my noise-canceling headphones and close my eyes.

I ain't got no minutes!

When I hear the US trying to explain why we're fighting where we are despite a scathing GAO report saying our foreign policy is a complete failure?

I ain't got no minutes!

Sure my cousin may be young, but sometimes life's lessons can come from the most unexpected sources.

- Farmer Ted

Monday, March 31, 2008

W, X, Gen-Y, Z...

Were we this blase about the life around us while growing up?

As a so-called Gen-X (born between the Baby Boom & 1980) I don't understand the Gen-Y (roughly 1980-1994) amongst us. Typified by the character Jaye Tyler (Caroline Dhavernas) in the brilliant and quirky series Wonderfalls, these kids bring a new meaning to the word existentialism by adding the corollary, "I'm sorry - what does that have to do with me?" Yet and still an entire set of way to relate to them have been formulated in the workplace and in marketing to them.

Over the weekend while traveling through a small community here in Australia, I stopped at a service station for some gas. I think because it was a Sunday the counter was manned exclusively by Gen-Y'ers including a southern hemisphere edition of Jaye at the counter. Now being American, in these small towns it generally causes a stir when they hear my native accent spoken. Stepping up to our Jaye-alike, I said in my usual painfully American accent "I was at pump number 2." Without looking up from her magazine she held her hand out for my credit card, processed it, and handed it back to me without losing her place in the article.

What coolness! Would no pathos be effective? I could just see this scenario:

Jaye-alike: How ya going?
Me: Fine! I'll pay for this gas and I'll have a bucket of pigs blood to dump on someone's head at the prom tonite, thanks.
Jaye-alike: We don't sell pigs blood. Try the gas station across the street. See ya latah.

Sure you think it's far fetched, but I'll lay odds it could happen.

- Farmer Ted

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

International House of Horrors: How many more...

Today marks the 5th anniversary of the War in Iraq. Funny how now it can be called a war when at first it was carefully couched in other terms so as to not invoke any Constitutional challenge. Yet with very few exceptions in Washington, we were propelled by misplaced jingoism into a war bolstered by arguments that have now been shown definitively to be patently false.

Reasons that to me were never enough justification for what I knew in my heart was ahead. And every day, for every life lost, I mourn. For every smug utterance of continued justification, I'm incredulous.

Blaise Pascal wrote:
"It is your own assent to yourself, and the constant voice of your own reason, and not of others, that should make you believe."

My inner voice told me not to believe. And if only our lawmakers had taken a little time out to listen to their own, this is one anniversary that might not ever have happened.

- Farmer Ted

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

International House of Horrors: He said, she said...

Why do they remind me of an old bickering married couple?

Yes, I'm talking about the good Senators Rodham-Clinton and Obama. As a declared non-party affiliated person (can that be declared?) I'm just sitting by watching the whole sordid mess unfold. And boy is it uncomfortable. Sorta like being at a dinner party at a couple's house and watching them as they trade mean-spirited snipes at each other all night.

From arguing about who is more racist, to accusations of questionable contributions, to whether being a black man is an unfair advantage (someone help me with THAT one!) it's all left me feeling slightly nauseated at the both of them.

And like being trapped with that married couple, all you do is wish you were elsewhere.

- Farmer Ted