International House of Horrors: Misplaced paens...

So Michael Jackson died last week and the world seems to be either expressing keens of grief or wallowing in the ghoulish commercialism of it all. While I am sorry he died, I just viewed him as an entertainer. Period. One that hadn't put out any new material in years; something that makes me wonder why people are rushing to buy music they already had. And I do feel for the family of Farrah Fawcett: the actress passed away after a brave battle with cancer at the same time as Michael Jackson and got buried (pardon the pun) in the hype surrounding his demise.

But someone else passed away a few days later who's passing at the same untimely age of 50 as Jackson and from the same cause has gone virtually unnoticed. I'm talking about, who else, Billy Mays. You know him: he was the guy who was always on TV with the bushy beard and the booming voice enticing you to buy household cleaning products like OrangeGlo and OxiClean. His genuineness and excitement just seemed to, well, shine (pardon the pun). And to me, he's much more deserving of tribute than Mr Jackson. Why? Let's take a look at a few facts:

Decorum:
MAYS: Wife reads, "Although Billy lived a public life, we don't anticipate making any public statements over the next couple of days. Our family asks that you respect our privacy during these difficult times."
JACKSON: With Rev Jesse Jackson as spokesman, family publicly disputes autopsy and hires a private forensic examiner. Janet Jackson & Jamie Foxx later ham it up on the BET Entertainer Awards.

Generosity:
MAYS: Visitors to his house typically got bottles of cleaner and housekeeping tips.
JACKSON: Visitors not typically welcome unless they had small children and gullible parents.

Legacy:
MAYS: "He'll live on forever because he always had the biggest heart in the world." (Former wife, Dee-Dee Mays)
JACKSON: "He'll live forever because he was, by the end, pretty much all plastic and wax." (Former plastic surgeon)

So pick carefully who you put on a pedestal, my friends.

- Farmer Ted

Observing the Aussies: Optimism...

When it comes to the weather, Australians have to be the most optimistic nation in the world. Why? Despite over 10 years of weather with far below average rainfall in all areas, rather than admit to climate change they put on their rose-colored sunnies and call it a "slight drought." And I'm not talking global warming climate change but analysis by climatologists that show that Australia was merely in one of its wet periods when it was settled.

So when after 2 years of the Todd River being completely dried up, it began running again following 2-inches of rain in what we in the US would've just regarded as a flash flood, the event was instead hailed in the community as hope the drought is over. It's not of course and the river dried back up within hours. "No worries!" they exclaim, "It'll be back to normal soon!"

What then fuels this optimism? I would say maybe it was something in the water but, well, ya know...

- Farmer Ted