Xmas in July...

I don't know if you remember, but I wrote about having a lot of problems with celebrating Christmas here in Australia. I mean, how can it be Christmas when it's 90F, everyone is wearing shorts and there's not an evergreen tree in sight. As a matter of fact, they sell artificial palm trees with Christmas decorations in stores.

So I resolved to hold a Xmas in July celebration. Why July? Because it's winter here in Australia, meaning in this area is cold, windy, and damp - just like back in the northeastern US. And I wasn't the only one with the idea as several stores actually were holding Christmas in July sales on holiday goods like plates, ornaments, and party favors. I stocked up!

And you know what? The evening went off without a hitch. With Butters, Charms, and Sase I threw a celebration with a little Christmas tree, gifts, and a turkey dinner with all the trimmings. With holiday music playing it was a grand time. I even tried my hand at lemon curd tart with lemons from our own Meyer lemon tree that we'd nursed through the heat and drought that nearly killed it during the regular Christmas season.

For the first time I really began to feel at home here.

- Farmer Ted

Channel 9 check, ok...

Did you know that US airliners let you hear the chatter between pilots and the different Air Traffic Controllers (ATC) along the flight route? Yep, just turn to entertainment channel 9 at your seat. To me, it's cool hearing the ATC instruct your flight to change altitude or course and feel the plane doing it.

In explanation, as your flight travels, it's actually handed off from one regional ATC to the next until finally it gets handed to the ATC of your destination airport. Just think of elementary school kids going down a hallway, being directed from one room's teacher to the next until they get to the right room and you'll get the picture.

But from hearing some of the harried chatter as the ATC direct what seem to be dozens of flight each, it's obvious that analogy is closer to reality than you think. And no wonder as they try to communicate effectively with pilots with German accents, Australian accents, Chinese accents, and a pilot that sounded suspiciously like Steve Martin doing his best "Wild & Crazy Guy" voice.

For instance instead of using the proper letter designation of "hotel-yankee-kilo" for "HYK," hearing that Martin alike stumble out with "Uh, was that Harry-yellow-Karen?" By the stunned pause the ATC was probably banging her head on the desk before affirming the request using the proper designation. I could swear she added the word "..moron!" under her breath but maybe I'm just projecting.

Pilots were negotiating routes and being overruled by ATC constantly for safety reasons; questioning instructions with the unasked, "But why me!" hanging in the air. I'll bet it was with relief the ATC hand over the more recalcitrant pilots to the next ATC region.

Meanwhile I got served my ice cream dessert, glad I was sitting back in the cabin.

- Farmer Ted

International House of Horrors: Rights defended...

So the US Supreme Court has ruled to defeat the Washington DC district-wide ban on handguns, claiming in a sharply-divided decision that it violated the 2nd Amendment to the US Constitution, The Right to Bear Arms.

Personally, I've never believed in civilians holding firearms, believing in the letter of the 2nd Amendment that unless it's in furtherance of "a well regulated militia." Even though I'm in the minority on this.

What was predicted has come about: a flurry of lawsuits are being filed against gun-control laws all across the US, the most egregious I think being the National Rifle Association (NRA) filing a suit against the ban on handguns in public housing projects in San Francisco. Perhaps the NRA feels, in furtherance of the sentiments expressed by Ebenezer Scrooge in A Christmas Carol, that arming denizens of housing projects might be one way to "decrease the surplus population."

While meant as a send-up on gun owners, this might be eerily prescient:


It's at times like these I'm glad I'm living elsewhere for now.

- Farmer Ted

Trust me...

While returning recently from (yet) another trip back to the US and something struck me as highly suspicious.

Anyone who's come into Australia knows how seriously the Australian Quarantine and Inspection Service (AQIS) take protecting the place from outside infestations. These infestations can take the form of fruit flies, vermin, and even the odd chocolate biscuit.

Their first line of defense is the beagle. That's right, I'm talking about the little brown-and-white spotted dog.

While you're waiting for your luggage at any Australian port of entry, these 4-legged government agents wander at will, casting about for any food contraband in your possession. Should you be marked by the little beasties the agents praise them while they rifle through your belongings trying to find the offending leftover chocolate bar.

But that got me to thinking: who says the dogs are honest? I mean, they get praise lavished on them when they mark a bag, so who says they're not marking just for kicks?

Think about it: who questions the ethics of a detector beagle, looking as little and cute as they do?

Um-hm. I'm just sayin...

- Farmer Ted