Yawwwwn...

Do you know the average person needs 20 minutes of wakening in the morning? I saw this on a BBC special recently. Except in my case, it's more like 2 hrs and 15 minutes. Met up with Pinchy while in Sydney this weekend. Over dinner he mentioned it takes him 30 minutes from alarm clock going off to hitting the pavement to walk to work. That includes shower, shave, dress, and breakfast. His girlfriend Kat nodded agreement.

(BLINK)

It takes me 30 minutes before I stop hitting the snooze button.

Dunno what's wrong with me then. But it does give me more time to enjoy the process. To stop and look out the window at the sun coming up. To let a good hot shower slowly waken me. And then to enjoy my toast with jam gotten from The Jam Lady in Robe, listening to ABC Classic FM.

Ya know, somehow I think I'm getting the better deal.

- Farmer Ted

Shocking pink...

While having a coffee the other day, one of my Aussie co-workers related a weird story he'd heard on the news. Something about a woman holding a gathering of women in her home where, instead of buying Tupperware or Avon, they sold tasers.

Now, I fully expected he was kidding me as usual (or as they would say, "taking the piss") about the violent culture of the US, but on a little investigation I found out it's true. In fashion colors, yet. But just as dangerous.

So gone are the old days of a wife standing in the door holding a rolling pin when the errant husband comes stumbling in at all hours. Instead, she'll now be holding her nightgown-matching taser at the ready.

Wife: And just where were you until 1am, mister?
Husband: [moving in to kiss her] Working late hon...
Wife: [raises taser to his neck] ZAP! Where?
Husband: [now on his knees] A flat tire. I swear it was a flat tire. I...
Wife: ZAP! WHERE?
Husband: [twitching helplessly on the floor] A pub. I was at a pub with the guys! I'm soooorrrry!
Wife: [smugly] Mm-hm. Thought so.

Life at home will never be the same.

- Farmer Ted

La plus ca change...

Visiting Sydney this past and very rainy weekend I was looking for a place indoors to pass the time. Coming upon The Art Gallery of New South Wales I wandered in.

Three things struck me.

The first thing that struck me was in the US we would call this edifice an art museum. But not being the pedantic type, I let that go in the face of the second thing: it appeared half of Sydney was also looking for a place to go, anywhere to go, just as long as it was out of the rain. Ducking out of this madhouse of humanity and into the first empty-looking exhibit hall I found myself immersed in Chinese artifacts dating back to the 1600's. Graceful pottery, exquisite statuary, and rich textiles abounded. Then the third thing struck me: what happened to any semblance of this ancient culture? From having just come from Paddy's Market, I did know what it had turned into.

All I could do was sigh.

On the train to the airport a bedraggled woman shepherding some very bored youngsters was in a seat nearby. One of her brood, seeing a sign for the Museum of Sydney on the wall, asked "What's a museum?" to which the mother replied "It's a very interesting place."

And I thought, "Interesting? Talk about the kiss of death as far as THAT kid ever stepping foot into one."

I'm just sayin...

- Farmer Ted