Explaining Thanksgiving...

Now that the rush of Thanksgiving is over, I have a moment to reflect on the holiday and what it means. Not in the way you think, though. But more like, what the heck is it anyway.

This was brought home to me before I left Australia to come back to The Porch for the holiday. A person in the room there wished me a Happy Thanksgiving while I was at home. Casual enough wish here in the US, but definitely learned behavior (almost wrote "behaviour" there!) in The Land Down Under.

Here is an actual conversation I had right before I left:

Me: "Thanks, guy! I'm looking forward to some turkey and cranberry sauce, too!"

Aussie 1: "I've heard that."

Me: "Yes, it's a tradition from the first Thanksgiving."

Aussie 2: (joining in) "First Thanksgiving?"

Me: "Yeah! You know: 1621. The Mayflower. The Pligrims. Indians and the first harvest."

Aussie 1: "Pilgrims?"

By now there is complete silence is in the room and I'm standing there with about 15 pairs of Australian eyes turned on me like a particularly succulent meat pie.

Me: (laughing uncomfortably) "Ummm. They came from England and landed at Plymouth Rock."

(blank stares)

Me: (continuing) "You know, in Massachusetts. And they wore black wide-brimmed hats. Big white collars and, ummm, buckle... shoes." (fading into silence)

By then I was really hoping for a stampede of kangaroos in the room or something to divert their attention from the American fairy tale it seemed I was spinning.

That or they were just jealous of our traditions. Yeah, that's it.

- Farmer Ted.

Observing the Aussies: Flora and fauna...

Nowhere do I know I'm not at home than the plants and animals in The Land Down Under.

I've thought about going to a zoo but figured why bother? I can hardly pronounce the names of animals let alone recognize what they might look like (except for kangaroos, which I've never seen live in Australia and so think that it's a big joke being played on the world by their tourism industry).

Given that it's spring versus fall in the northern climes, I tripped over some sort of creature on the steps at work the other day. It looked vaguely like a catepillar but was so hairy and frightening I'm only guessing that's what it was short of having at it with a bottle of Nair.

I tried not to scream.

What really brought the difference in animals home occurred while stumbling around the The Rocks in Sydney, when on Argyle Street I came across a little childrens boutique with toys in the window. One item displayed was one of those books for toddlers: You know, those fabric ones with cute puffy animals on the pages for you to identify with your child? As I looked at more closely I just stared, rubbing my eyes because I thought my night at The Lord Nelson had come back to haunt me.

Within the cottony soft pages of the book was not a single animal I knew.

I tried not to scream.

- Farmer Ted

Observing the Aussies: Clothing...

Okay, so we all have to wear something. But one thing I've noticed is that "something" is the watchword here in Australia.

Perhaps it's because the southern hemisphere is six-months behind the clothes-leading northern hemisphere. After all, it's not like they say "We saw Kate Moss on the runways of Perth and she looked FABULOUS!!" Maybe it's because in a country that is 90% outback, if all you're going to see are kangaroos it's not like you have to wear your best frock to the occasion. Yaknowaddamean?

Yes, Australia is the catch up kid when it comes to what to wear and a poster child for "What Not to Wear". If only because no one's quite sure what look they're trying to pull off. Let's just call the look "Eclectic Wagga Wagga."

This even extends to other areas.

My friend Carrie came here to visit, traveling Australia and then on to New Zealand. She is quite a hedonist and, ahem, thoroughly enjoyed herself. However she did have one comparison point between Australian men and New Zealand men. I won't exactly say what it was, but I will point out that Australia took notice by the introduction of the male Wonderbra called the "Wonderjock". I kid you not. And let me just say that, according to Carrie, it still won't help.

But there is one thing that saves Australia: the people. I will grudgingly admit that it is a nation of, for the most part, extremely fit and attractive people.

If only they would learn the joys of natural fabrics.

- Farmer Ted