Haiku for Pinchy...

morning light, standing tall
a little snip
sitting now lightly lightly

(Get well soon, mate!)

- Farmer Ted

Tis the season...

It's spring here in Australia.

Now my friends in the northern hemisphere might be a little perplexed by my saying that since it's still summer there. And by logic one would think that, given the fact the earth is spherical, all that stuff should pretty much be the exact opposite from north-to-south: i.e., north:summer / south:winter. But it doesn't.

Fact is, in North America seasons are delineated using the crazy idea of the relative positions of the sun. So when the sun is lowest in the sky (solstice with the shortest daylight) marks the beginning of winter. Next time when the sun is midway in the sky, marking the equinox, is the beginning of spring. And so on.

My blithe assumption that this was how the world works was shattered on Friday when, while out with 3 Australian friends, they all were so happy the next day was the first day of spring. "No it's not," I countered, thinking of when autumn would start in the US. "Spring shouldn't start until around 23 September or so." My utterance was followed by silence as they all exchanged that uh-oh-there-goes-that-crazy-American-again glance I've come to know so well.

"No dear," one woman said as she gently took my hand as if I were a backward child, "spring always starts 1 September."

I think I actually gaped.

Turns out that in Australia, rather than go through that whole sun-thing the year is simply divided into quarters. Sorta like a seasonal fiscal calendar. So Sept-Nov is spring, Dec-Feb is summer, March-May is autumn (NEVER "fall"), and June-Aug is winter.

Which is, I guess, as good an interpretation for them as any. But I think they might consider adopting one of the many aboriginal calendars. These can have 4, 5, even 6 or more separate seasons, depending on the particular region, due to Australia's rather diverse climate areas. However unlike the seasonal fiscal calendar in use tied to nothing in particular, these ancient peoples based them on natural yearly phenomenon.

Wow. Basing a calendar on nature. Crazy idea huh?

- Farmer Ted

Observing the Aussies: Car culture...

They say you can tell alot about a country by the cars they drive. As my faithful readers will know, I've commented on driving in Australia before; but what I'm after here is not a comment on driving or what they drive, but how the people who drive certain cars are perceived.

I'm talking specifically here about a type of vehicle here called a Ute (pronounced "yoot", as in "utility"). In the US we last saw cars like these in that extinct car model called the Chevrolet El Camino; it not being made since the year Prozac was released in the US.

Amazingly utes are, at this moment, being made and sold in Australia. And they are made to appeal to a certain segment of the population. As a matter of fact, you can see exactly who it is marketed to by observing the latest Falcon Ute commercial:



After seeing it, here's a multiple choice for you. This commercial is marketed toward:

a) College students needing a car to four-wheel during spring break

b) Housewives needing transport for kids to a playdate

c) Men who find themselves the topic of the Jeff Foxworthy "You Might Be A Redneck" Tour.

Not even Wal*Mart panders as shamelessly to a demographic.
And that's sayin' something.

- Farmer Ted

International House of Horrors: A career down the toilet...

Now Farmer Ted is as open-minded as the next guy. But I do draw the line at elected officials attempting the nasty in public bathrooms.

For those who don't know, US Senator Larry Craig (R) of Idaho was recently arrested for solicitation of an undercover male police officer in the restroom of a Minnesota airport.

On Page 4 of the arrest report the officer claims that Sen. Craig exhibited behavior towards him "often used by persons communicating a desire to engage in sexual conduct." Despite Sen. Craig's protestations of innocence, my thought is that for someone who didn't know that's what he was doing, the Senator sure seemed to know exactly what to do.

Mm-hm. As my southern mama always said "Where there's smoke, there's fire."

"Hello? Reality? There's an elected official who needs you to send a check his way."

- Farmer Ted

In a mysterious blaze of glory...

My friend Mela took this photo while here in Australia on a trip to Kangaroo Island:

Pretty incredible isn't? Can you figure out what's causing such a striking effect in the photo?

On second thought..

Ya know what? I'm not sure I want an explanation. Sometimes it's best just to amazed.

- Farmer Ted

"That was the seat I paid for..."

Irene Morgan Kirkaldy died on Friday.

She was arrested for refusing to give up her seat to a white couple on a crowded Virginia bus one hot July day in 1944, 11 years before Rosa Parks.

She inspired the first Freedom Ride to demonstrate against racism.
She inspired Thurgood Marshall to successfully fight Jim Crow laws in the Supreme Court - where he would one day serve as the first black Justice.

She also inspired others to be the best human beings they could be. And really, isn't that what it's all about?

- Farmer Ted

Observing the Aussies: Footy...

Australian rules football - footy - is the national obsession here. AFL, the Australian Football League, is analogous to the NFL in the US with it's own monopoly on franchises, royalties, and random drug testing. The AFL is also very glamorous, grabbing the headlines weekly with doings like "Mad Monday binge ends with man's skull crushed." Ah, those crazy kids.

It's arch rival is rugby, the key organization being the National Rugby League, or NRL. Rugby players can be distinguised by a) no neck from running into each other flat out using their heads as primary protection for the rest of their bodies; and 2) "Duh?" being their wittiest response when they have the unfortunate luck of being put in front of a TV camera. Observe:

But it's been almost a year since I arrived here in Australia for the first time and wrote about sports in Australia. Now I'm even in a footy tipping competition, which is sorta like a football pool in the US only way more organized. So there I am in a field of 3 dozen participants where I've twice won for picking the most winners in any week, much to the chagrin of the Aussies here.

Sure, Rupert Murdoch may have gotten the Dow Jones empire but I've got footy locked up. So there!

- Farmer Ted