Inside the Coriolis effect...

We're in the middle of a heatwave here in my part of Australia. I'm talking day after day of +105F temperature with blazing sun. A sun that is actually killing trees it's so strong and the temperature so hot. At night, we're lucky if it gets down to 90F.

As you might expect, the culprit of this is a high-pressure system. Rather like the harbinger of US summer heat waves when it hangs over Bermuda, this one is over the Tasman Sea between Australia and New Zealand. The big difference is because of the Coriolis effect, which means weather systems spin in opposite directions in the northern and southern hemispheres.

Being born and raised in the US, I tend to forget this little fact and so am constantly suprised by weather map here as I invariable apply my northen hemisphere logic and so get it all wrong. Little things that keep tripping me up such as:

• Cold air comes from the south;
• Hot weather comes from the north;
• Summer sun is in the northern sky;
• Moss doesn't grow on any side of a tree.

Even Heat Miser would be having a nervous breakdown.

- Farmer Ted

International House of Horrors: Wisdom through the ages...

On the day of celebrating the legacy of the Rev Dr. Martin Luther King,
On the eve of the inauguration of the first African-American as President of the United States of America,
And on the hopes of change by a country tired by war and economic troubles;
Come words of timeless wisdom by Dr King almost it seems directly to President-elect Barack Obama:

"A genuine leader is not a searcher for consensus but a molder of consensus."
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Now go lead, Mr President.

- Farmer Ted

Into the new year...

Well here it is 2009 and I'm winding up my two years here in Australia.

This year, I spent Christmas back in the US but saw the new year turn here in Australia. An interesting experience not just because of the time difference (a full 16 hours ahead of the east coast of the US) but also because it's summertime here in the southern hemisphere. Meaning New Year's Eve celebrations are typically held either outdoors having a late barbecue or on a beach. Or better yet outdoor watching fireworks without a scarf, gloves and mittens but in shorts and sandals.

I guess there are worse ways to do it, huh?

But this allowed me to puzzle out why some things are missing around the holiday here that we take for granted in the northern climes.

Like holiday movies. It was interesting to discover the low number of Australians who've seen the holiday movies that we hold dear in the US. And I'm not talking about modern classics like "Scrooged" starring Bill Murray, but even "A Miracle on 34th Street" starring Maureen O'Hara and a young Natalie Wood. That is, until I realized that unlike the US where it's cold so we're indoors doing things like being curled up watching a movie while it's cold outside, here they're at the beach boogie boarding and throwing lamb kabobs on the barbie.

To each his own, I say.

Happy 2009!

- Farmer Ted

Men are from Mars...

While flipping through television channels the other day, Butters observed mildly that the sports talk program the tuner rested on momentarily sure was gossipy. I couldn't agree more.

In fact, it led me to look at just how a sports talk program like ESPN SportsCenter is little different than The View as both sit around discussing topics of interest to them with little regard for what's really happening in the world outside. "Yet for all that," I can hear you say, "one is talking sports and the other fluff so they aren't really the same." Well, observe the chart below:

Maybe men and women are from the same planet after all.

- Farmer Ted

The VIII-th Commandment...

Thou shalt not steal.

Seems simple: when it comes to other peoples property, keep your hands to yourself. Oddly, from what I've seen, this rule seems to be more like keep your hands to yourself unless it's something you want.

At the office, I always kept something sitting on my desk: an EASY button. We Americans all know those as they're offered by Staples office supplies in the US; a store and ad campaign unknown in Australia. Pressing the bright red button with easy spelled out in bold white letters rewarded you with a cheerful voice blurting "That was easy!" Needless to say, the easy button was very popular around the office where - because it's an open plan office - folks I knew, and didn't know, would just walk by and press it, laughing and shaking their heads.

So you can imagine my surprise when I came in one day to find it gone. Stolen. Not only stolen but taken out of the building completely since it's the only one of its kind here. It's also a bit obvious as it can't seem to shut up when handled. My annoyance at the whole thing was only eclipsed by my sadness at someone doing it in the first place.

I mentioned it to a friend of mine, an re-pat ex-pat in another city here in Australia. He has a young school-age daughter who was born in the US and is learning to live here now. He related to me how his daughter came to him one day and in all seriousness asked, "Daddy? Why do kids here steal so much?" Surprised, he asked what she meant. "Well," she said,"when we go outside we have to wear hats and kids take anyone's so they can go out." Pronouncing, "That's not right to take something that belongs to someone else."

Out of the mouths of babes...

- Farmer Ted

You just put your lips together and blow...

I was motioned over by the state police for a breathalyzer test this past weekend while entering a town where a rock festival was being held. Now, I have never been pulled over for anything in Australia before, so as I carefully pulled my car onto the soft shoulder and slowly towards the waiting officer I wasn't sure what to expect.

Winding down my window, he stepped up to my car door holding a small black box-like affair sporting a white tube.

"Police breathalyzer test. Do you consent to being tested?" he summarily asked not realizing how I relished this unique experience.

"Of course," I said eagerly.

After pressing a few buttons, causing an angry *beep* to come from the box with each press, he held it so the tube was to my lips.

"Just blow in the end of the breathalyzer tube, thank you" he said.

"Phht!" I blew a quick breath.

I was rewarded with an annoyed *beep* sound from the machine. "Uh, harder," he advised.

"PHHT!"

**BEEP**

"Again, but longer this time," obviously wondering how tough this was going to be.

"PHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHT!" I phht'd, I swear turning blue in the face.

I knew I was successful this time because the breathalyzer unit responded with a rather smug beep. A quick look at the unit by the officer and I was waved on my way with a curt "Thanks!"

Oh well, at least I'll remember my first time fondly.

- Farmer Ted

Turkey, bar...

Well here I am "celebrating" the US holiday of Thanksgiving in Australia again. And again it's a non-Thanksgiving for me. An anti-turkey day. A turkey-bar, to misuse a math phrase for the negative.

You would never even know it except for an occasional mention of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade in the news and guys coming in saying that sports on FoxTel, the Comcast of Australia, is showing back-to-back football on an off day.

Yeah, the financial world may get pneumonia when the US sneezes. But when it comes to holidays and such? Eh. Not so much.

- Farmer Ted