Observing the Aussies: The REAL outback...

With sincere apologies for a previous post, your humble blogger has seen the actual Australian outback. Two friends at work, Stushie and Ash, own a plane and kindly offered to allow me to accompany them on a little jaunt to a place called Parachilna. Like you, I thought, "What the heck is a Parachilna?" But jumped at the chance to finally see what legend (and Bill Bryson) have made famous.

Here's the plane we took. Pretty cool huh? Turns out the newly minted South Australian Senator Nick Xenophon took this on his inaugural trip to Canberra.Our intrepid pilots. That's Ash on the right. Stushie was in the back trying to stop their little one from doing a Linda Blair on us from motion sickness (poor thing!).The landing strip from the air. People tell me this is actually a GOOD landing strip. While the pilots were pointing to this and saying, "look Ted!" I was looking for a parachute.Downtown Parachilna at its main intersection. Permanent population: 6. Rush hour must be a b*tch.But it was fascinating; and Parachilna's Prairie Hotel has the distinct honor of being the place where I lost my "you must eat kangaroo meat" cherry. Also I had emu - which I didn't even know you could eat. So now I've consumed everything on the Australian Coat of Arms - but only because it was on the menu.

Stushie and Ash own their own air charter service and Parachilna is on their route. Thanks guys!

- Farmer Ted

Observing the Aussies: Savo(u)ry & sweet...

While surveying the vast array of food put out for Christmas dinner, I realized I've learned to appreciate food pairings that (from what I can tell) is definitely not part of the Australian diet. I am referring to the combination of a savory (non-sweet) item and a sweet item together on a dish, evidenced on the menu today by the ubiquitous paring of turkey and cranberry sauce.

Or, believe it or not, pancakes and bacon. Australians view pancakes more as a dessert, and so putting bacon (a savory) which it seems is as distasteful a combination to them as having a slice of bacon with chocolate cake would be to an American.

I didn't realize this until I tried to order it at the Mulberry Cafe in the heartland of South Australia. Listed on the menu were Canadian waffles (an indicator on any menu it's served with maple syrup) topped with whipped cream. separately listed was bacon. I ordered them together (sans whipped cream, but butter please!) on three consecutive visits just to see how they would handle it:

Attempt 1: Canadian waffles appeared with whipped cream, no butter. Bacon followed later on a separate plate along with a very strange look from the server as if I'd made a mistake and would surely send it back. I didn't.

Attempt 2: Canadian waffles appeared, no whipped cream, no butter. Bacon came at the same time on a separate plate. Sever looked questioning, but just sighed as I nodded acceptance.

Attempt 3: Admitting defeat, waffles appeared WITH the bacon on the same plate; no whipped cream. No strange look this time. Still no butter, though: guess they had to try to save a bit of face with that.

The only thing in Australia that comes close to combining the two is a version of the pastie (pronounced pass'-tee), an odd pastry that can be made with a meat-filling in one half and a fruit filling in the other. I kid you not.

Now THAT would get odd looks from me.

- Farmer Ted

Christmas Eve on the interstate...

I can't believe it's Christmas Eve already and there I was, out doing the last-minute running around like everyone seems to do despite their most ardent resolution not to. As I was traveling down the interstate at 70mph (the legal speed limit around here) I was amazed at all the different license plates on the cars blasting past me: Kansas, North Carolina, Tennessee, Louisiana, Alabama, Georgia and New Jersey, to name a few. A veritable checklist of states. People all hurrying to be somewhere special for the holidays.

Yes, I think Christmas Eve is my favorite part of the Christmas season. Tree all up and shining with lights and hope and surprises. Guess I'm just one of those people that anticipation is the best part of it. Like all those people driving on the interstate turning on the warp drive to get where they wanted to be.



Have yourselves a merry little Christmas!

- Farmer Ted

Water...

My 4 month-old cousin was baptized today.

Surrounded by loving relatives and a joyous congregation, Little Man didn't even fuss: just took it all in with his (from what they tell me) usual wide-eyed curiosity that he seems to view everything in this world, protesting only when the pastor anointed him with three splashes of water.

Seems like I've heard a million platitudes about "going back to your inner child" or wishing they could "see life like a child again."

Me? I get pleasure in knowing this little person is seeing life anew. Finding their own purpose; hopefully a positive purpose. And in that, perhaps be someone who makes a difference for all of us.

And that's enough for me.

- Farmer Ted

"Christmas in Connecticut"...

One of my favorite holiday movies is 1945's "Christmas in Connecticut" starring Miss Barbara Stanwyck. In it, she plays journalist Elizabeth Lane who authors a popular food column in a home style magazine. The movie opens as she writes an article about the perfect Christmas at her perfect country house in Connecticut when in actually she has a one bedroom walk-up in New York City. When she is supposed to host an elaborate party at her supposed house she wails,

"Arrange it, are you crazy? Where am I gonna get a farm? I haven't even got a window box!"

That's how I felt trying to get into the Christmas spirit in Australia. I said the right holiday things to people but inside it just didn't feel right. Having only known a norther n hemisphere Christmas with cold weather and short days celebrated with lotsa lights and decorations, having long +90F days and Christmas bbq's just struck an incongruous cord that was simply hard to shake.

Refugees from the northern hemisphere advised me, "You'll never get used to it" and to just muddle along, window box or no.

So it's good to be back up north for a bit. And while it may not be a farm in Connecticut, it is beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

- Farmer Ted

On the porch talking soup...

Well here I am back in the US again for another holiday season.

Yes, it's me. Your humble farmer back from a bit of a porch sittin' hiatus.

What's evident now that I'm back is how little things have changed in the intervening months. Maybe it's because even in Australia the US dominates their news. But there's nothing like saying "Welcome home, Farmer Ted!" than being felt up by a TSA worker.

Mm-hm!

There is one thing I have missed: the Emmy Award winning show "Talk Soup" on E! Network featuring Joel McHale. Arguable the funniest host on television, he is appealing enough to keep you watching, and just goofy enough to make you glad you're not him. Although, has anyone else noticed he seems to be getting MORE hair as time goes on?

Or that despite the fact he's "married" he has an affection for toy dogs and a rather creepy obsession with Ryan Seacrest? What's that about?

I'm just sayin.

But it's good to be back and I'm sure I'll be talking a bit more about what happened while I was away. so pull up a chair while I get lemonade from the kitchen.

- Farmer Ted

What was is the now...

The Ute? What? What?

Imagine my surprise to have heard the announcement that the Holden VE Ute is planned to be exported to the US and rolled out as either the Pontiac G8 or the Chevrolet El Camino (again!).

Let's see: The ute started in the US, came to Australia, was killed as a car line in the US while living on Down Under, and then 20 years later will be on the streets again in the US.

Wow.

Even athlete's foot isn't this tenacious.

- Farmer Ted